How to Teach Your Child Losing: A Guide for Parents

Game nights are meant to be fun, educational, and a bonding experience for families. However, when a child struggles with losing, these nights can become stressful and tear-filled. If your family game nights are more fraught than fun, it's time to implement strategies that help your child learn to handle losing, turning potential tantrums into opportunities for growth.

Why Losing Is Hard for Children

Emotional self-regulation is a skill that children start to develop in preschool and early elementary school. However, their competitiveness is not yet balanced by empathy, as explained by Dr. Chris Moore, a professor in psychology and neuroscience. This imbalance can manifest as a strong aversion to situations where they perceive others as doing better than them.

Some children find it especially hard to cope with losing, which can ruin the game night experience for the entire family. The good news is that you can help your child navigate these emotions with the right approach.

Effective Strategies for Parents:

1. Play Games Regularly: Frequent game playing gives your child opportunities to practice managing their emotions when they lose.

2. Start with Short Games: Begin with quick, less emotionally charged games. This approach lessens the sting of losing and allows for immediate chances to play again.

3. Implement the 'Winner Cleans Up' Rule: This strategy makes winning less gloriously triumphant and more balanced, as it associates winning with a mild responsibility.

4. Encourage Cooperative Games: Opt for games like "Forbidden Island" or "Red October," where the outcome is shared, thus distributing the emotional impact of winning or losing.

5. Feed the Good: Acknowledge and praise moments when your child handles setbacks well during a game. Positive reinforcement is key to encouraging good sportsmanship.

6. Acknowledge Their Frustration: Validate your child's feelings when they're upset about losing. Discuss their emotions and empathize, then later, talk about healthier ways to handle frustration.

7. Model Appropriate Behavior: Children learn from watching their parents. Demonstrate how to handle both winning and losing gracefully.

8. Introduce Diverse Game Types: Explore games with less direct competition, such as role-playing games, or ones with minimal player interaction like "Race for The Galaxy."

9. Use Non-Competitive Activities: Sometimes, taking a break from games and engaging in activities like hiking or swimming can remind children of the joy of participation, without the pressure of winning or losing.

What to Avoid:

1. Don’t Let Them Win All the Time: Consistently letting your child win doesn't teach them how to handle losing. Experiencing both winning and losing is essential.

2. Avoid Only Praising for Winning: Focus on praising how your child played the game, rather than the outcome. Emphasize effort, strategy, and sportsmanship.

3. Don’t Stop Playing Games Altogether: While avoiding games might seem like a way to prevent tantrums, it also prevents the opportunity for your child to learn vital coping skills.

4. Don't Try to Reason: In that moment of rage, reasoning isn’t effective. What they need most is for their parents to be there with support and understanding, rather than explanations.

At the end of the day, it’s natural to feel down about losing. Ever seen athletes upset over a loss, or fans after a game? I recently grumbled over a trivia loss but cheered when I won at bowling. It's the same for kids – they just need extra time and guidance to better manage those emotions.

Take a quiz below and try an educational app to help your kid handle losing better.