Talking to Your Kids: The Missing Manual

This past Mother's Day, I was thinking about the time when I used to get so furious that I would yell at my toddler son at the top of my lungs. How could I do that to a tiny blonde angel? Sometimes, his father and I would get into disagreements, and I was so exhausted afterward that I had no energy at all to play with my son or to answer his innocent questions. Sure, there were times when I was the Insta-perfect mom, but, much more often, I was just going through the motions as a parent - feeding, dressing, chaperoning. 

My son is 17 now and has been living with his father this past year while I travel the world (my lifelong dream). But last month, a sudden message made me change my plans, buy tickets, and fly to see him:

“Hey Mom, I’m really sorry for not being in touch lately and for not wishing you a happy Mother’s Day. I feel really bad about it, and I think it’s important that you know this. I know it's very late, but I’m wishing you a happy belated Mother's Day.  Again, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude or uncaring.  I hope everything’s going great for you, and you’re enjoying your trip. I’m more or less back in touch, and I’d like to chat sometime soon. I love you very much, and I don’t want you to be upset about this.”

When my son was around 8, I made the decision to change and sought help - support groups and weekly therapy, books, articles, you name it. Little by little, I got better at handling my emotions and understanding myself. I’m proud of my son, myself, and our family for growing stronger and overcoming the challenges.

Today, many parents are still looking for answers to the same questions I had when I was just starting out as a parent:

• How to calm a crying child?

• What to do if they throw a tantrum? 

• How to help an overexcited infant calm down and fall asleep?

But there’s so much advice out there - it’s truly overwhelming! And finding real, genuine support can be hard. As a facilitator of Savvy Circle, I’m here to help you build trusting, stable relationships with your kids and receive support from other parents who get it.

So let me share what helped me rediscover love and mutual understanding on my own parenting journey:

1. Working on self-awareness and emotional intelligence. We can only tolerate our kids’ emotions when we are in control of our own, so that was step one for me. At Savvy Circle, we practice awareness by learning to notice feelings, recognize them, live through them, and let them go, all while calmly observing the changes from one emotion to the next. 

2. Remembering that kids are just that - kids. Their communication toolkit and introspection abilities are very limited compared to ours. They don’t act out on purpose but because they lack experience and skills, and that’s where parents come in as role models. By learning to express myself calmly, directly, and clearly, I was teaching the same to my child.

3. Recognizing and accepting my son’s feelings. To help our children through difficult  emotions, we can gently point them out. We can offer our presence and support by saying, “I see that you are angry now because there is no way to have what you want. You have the right to be angry because you really want it. Let's get angry together. How can I help you? Let's find a solution together."

4. Respecting my kid’s boundaries. I made sure to knock before entering his room, didn't take his things without asking, and considered his preferences when picking out clothes, activities, or food. If he said no to something, I respected it and didn't push unless in an emergency.

5. Modeling open, honest, and clear communication. The fastest way kids learn is by copying us. No educational methods are as effective, so I tried to stay mindful of my own behavior and communication style. Leading by example works much better than lecturing or moralizing.

At Savvy Circle, we focus on all of this and more. We've developed unique tools that help parents not only understand how to manage emotions better but also train this skill, mastering the intricate art of self-exploration.

Our main goal is to lend a supportive hand on this wild ride of parenting, guiding you with warmth, acceptance, and care. We inspire each other, draw strength and energy from our community, and go on building strong family relationships grounded in trust and emotional stability.

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